I like to fancy myself as the ultimate Kevin Smith character. There are a number of reasons for this that I think may be as important as describing the characters themselves. The first reason is I love Smith’s work, with the exception of Jersey Girl which I never saw mostly because it seemed so out of keeping with his other films. Secondly because my life seems to have played out largely like something Smith would write about. I’ve had relationships that felt very much like Chasing Amy, I’ve had a phase of my life where I lived out Mallrats for easily three years, I often find myself at the office feeling like I should be in black and white saying “I’m not even supposed to be here today.” This also extends to the people I know, while some people have Real World friends or Brat Pack friends I have Kevin Smith friends. Thirdly, I connect very strongly to Kevin Smith outside of his directing, I’ve read both of his books and while I’m clearly NOT him (Sorry kevin, I’m not stalking you. I can feel how let down you are from here.) I have a very strong connection to the image he portrays. I have the feeling after having been through “My Boring Ass Life” that who he is may be far less of a character than most people, but I will say only that I connect with his persona in that I have never met him.

That is why I feel the KS comparison is appropriate now let me explain that in more depth, perhaps this kind of referential self description will give you a better idea of who I am. Maybe it will simply be an homage to some of my favorite film... who knows? As they say.. “que the music”

Imagine if you will you have entered the black and white world of CLERKS. You enter the scene and see Jay & Silent Bob standing singing about Schmokin’ weed and drinkin’ beers. You then pass through the bell laden door and enter the Quick Stop and see Dante & Randal having one of their random discussions while a milk maid searches through the jugs in the refrigerated case. While there are elements of me that want nothing more than to be accepted just like Dante, the truth is his quiet manner and self defeatist attitude aren’t like me at all. I am more his acerbic counterbalance Randal. I speak my mind even when it means I am saying something entirely inappropriate. I would gladly cover the store for a friend but if a four year old comes in for a pack of cancer I’ll gladly sell her some Nails ultralights. I have no compulsion to follow the rules unless there are going to be consequences because I realize rules are there to keep the customers in line... I am not a customer, I’m the clerk. While some might find my work stupid or pointless I enjoy it and the perceptions of some mouth-breather concern me about as much as anything else which is not much. I see the drug dealers outside making trouble as little more than a pain in the ass and while I won’t join in their antics I only call the law when it directly impacts me. You can do your thing as long as you do it over there, don’t ask me to join in and I won’t have to brain ya. While I’m not a bad guy I am not someone most people understand, I have my own personal ethics and aside from that the world can take a frosted fuck off the tip of my dick.

Now imagine you’ve moved into the brightly colored comic book world of MALLRATS. The heavy glass doors open and the pre packaged air of the mall wafts in front of you and you know the smell of commerce in the morning. While I am in many ways like Brodie in that I’m all for some kid getting mangled so he learns to fear and respect that escalator I am more his counterpart TS Quint. Any sort of out of control outburst comes from a great deal of introspection and thought. I may get up on stage and ruin a television show but I’m doing it because the woman I love is there and I can’t face the prospect of her being auctioned off to some neanderthal jackass in a cheap suit. I look to the world and utilize outside resources to come to a place where I can determine my own future. If this means sponsoring a couple of pothead miscreants I am not adverse, if it means seeking what I generally believe to be a false sense of magical insight, I’ll try it. I also realize when I can’t change the Brodie’s in my life and instead work behind the scenes to Stan Lee them into catharsis. I am intelligent and sometimes wickedly so, but I generally come off as someone trying to keep the world in order, no one seems to move past that to inspect my methods for doing so. Mostly because of my mild manner and talk about bigger issues.

Moving out of the slapstick world of the mall we walk into the thirty something era of CHASING AMY. Here I am clearly Banky. I am all about protecting my friends. People are a mix of offended and amused by my wit. I often come off as a jackass but in the end people know they can trust me to be a constant. I’m never the guy who draws the comic, I’m not the frontman, but I always show up to the shows. Most people call me a tracer but the people who work on my projects realize my value and that’s enough for me. I’m unwilling to get deeply involved with people I consider outsiders but I am fiercely loyal and protective of my friends. While I may talk shit about my minority friends they realize that I really am a part of their support system and are willing to trade barbs with me. Outsiders however see me as oppressive, simple and misogynistic, which only confirms to me that they don’t get me.

When we move into the religiously powered world of DOGMA is when I truly connect to Silent Bob. While there may be fallen Angels and Lost Apostles running around I keep my calm and accept the Lord’s work because I’m a prophet. I don’t let the chaos get to me, I just go with it until it’s my time to say what needs to be said, do what needs to be done and not worry about credit. I don’t have to understand it all, in fact I try not to pretend like I do. I’m simply a believer who realizes that I have a unique place in the world. While the last scion wants to complain and whine, I don’t do that. While Angels go around trying to find loopholes and exceptions, I’m not that guy. While there are so many magical creatures out there upset about some mystical slight... I just toss them off the fucking train. At the end of the day the Lord knows who I am, and if I can clean up my language... someone might put in a good word for me.

Then when JAY & SILENT BOB STRIKE BACK, I continue my role as the rotund prophet. No matter how insane my journey becomes I focus on being a good friend. While those around me are creatures of insanity and selfishness I remain focused on how to reach my simple goals. No matter whether we are talked into stealing a monkey by some girl my friends are hot over or I am strapping on my bluntsaber to fight off Mark Hamill, it’s with a calm demeanor. However I can be broken form my silence on occasion. Sometimes even I have to pound it into someone’s consciousness that the sign on the back of the truck said CRITTERS OF HOLLYWOOD, or I have to be the brain who mentions the contractual obligations between us and Banky... when I speak I know what I’m saying and people have to pay attention.

Then returning full circle to CLERKS II the world has advanced out of the indie black and white into full color. But again I’m Randal, I speak my mind even when I’m mistaken. I also stand behind what i say to the point of trying to reclaim porch monkey as a term for laziness rather than a racial slur. My mind continues to be on sex even though I should be seeking relationships. I look at other people and their geekdom with disdain referencing my own geek lineage as older and more refined than their Go Bots bullshit. I will go to any lengths to bring people to where I think they should be even if that involves getting them high and showing them inter-species erotica. Part of me longs for the good old days but more than anything I want a simple life, one where I get to be a master of my environment and I get to spend time with the people I care about. When my friends overcomplicate their lives I show them the ease and simplicity of making oneself happy and the honesty of that is infectious. And so e return to where we began as we pan out back into black and white with the Milkmaid going though the jugs of milk.

Hopefully that description gives you some idea of who I am and how I see my place in the world. If you like, you can also check my blog or my social networking sites. They might offer you a less esoteric vision of my life.